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Or, Why are you going out with someone who despises women/men?

You don’t think it’s a bit strange that they’re embezzling their company?

The ‘problem’ with picking up on stuff and feeling uncomfortable is that we can fall into the trap of reading this as ‘judgmental’. Hell – sometimes we like to make up the best in people.

Sometimes we mistake assholery for ‘realness’ – It isn’t judgmental to register information or to compute it against our own set of values.

Listening to and looking out for you enables you to be ‘street smart’ and emotionally literate.

You’re your own fire alarm with your boundaries which rely on self-awareness and self-knowledge plus knowing that you’re willing to step up for you is your insurance.

Classic examples are people who are discourteous to, for instance, restaurant staff or who rage at others right in front of you.

One reader went on 4-5 dates with somebody who went absolutely ballistic while driving with her on all of the dates – warning sign of anger issues.

The fact that we pick up on something doesn’t mean that we necessarily have to make a big ‘ole judgement or that it’s a permanent statement of the future or them – we’re just not that powerful remember – but what it does mean is that we need to be aware.Romantic relationships also require a great deal of vulnerability and some people are allergic to intimacy.I don’t always know exactly why something bothers me or why I’m attuned to something in the air but now that I’m willing to listen to me instead of just blithely and blindly careering around like a bull in a china shop, I’ve learned that it’s not a question of spending my life trying to work out if there’s a threat or not (unless there’s imminent danger).Early jealousy and possessiveness is another classic – one ex had a hissy fit when he found out that my ex boyfriend was helping me with a project at uni – we’d been dating for four days when this happened and lo and behold, he was very controlling and jealous throughout the relationship.Why are you going out with somebody who hates your own race or another race, especially when you don’t feel the same way?

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